The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Directed by: David Slade
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner
showing nightly at the Loma Theater at 9:15 for the week of July 23rd

The Twilight Saga has enjoyed a lot of popularity over the last couple of years, spanning books and film, so it's hard not to find a fan in the workplace, at home, or among friends. With that said, if you are a fan, there is no need to read this review any further: you should see this film, as it fits perfectly in The Twilight Saga series.

Alright, now that I lost them, let's get down to business. This movie is awful! Having seen the previous film (New Moon) this third installment is just as bad as the previous one. Understanding this movie is geared towards the romantically inclined (which I clearly don't qualify,) I still found it intolerable and vacuous.

The story revolves around a love triangle between Bella (played by Stewart as if she was hypnotized before each scene), and her two wannabe lovers: pasty white skinned vampire Edward (played by Pattinson, whose only acting modes in this movie are best described as doe-eyed and jealous lover) and werewolf Jacob (played by the tan, hunky and oft shirtless Lautner.) This reminded me a lot of a weak attempt at retelling West Side Story (which itself is a re-imagining of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet) in that there are common themes of forbidden love.

My first problem with this movie is casting a bunch of twenty-somethings to play angsty high school teenagers. I haven't seen such forced teen angst since Rose McGowan's The Doom Generation. I also had a problem with the racial undertones of the pale skinned and European-looking vampires living the high life in the very hip house in the city, while the pack of werewolves (all of whom look Native American except for Lautner) are exiled on the reservation, living in log cabins and sitting around campfires all the time. Though the director and writer tried to portray the werewolves as a proud clan, the whole European versus Native American storyline was too ham-fisted.

Throw into the mix a plot by a different group of vampires whose leader is seeking revenge on Edward by hurting Bella, this all comes together with Edward's vampires reluctantly teaming with Jacob's werewolves to protect Bella from impending doom. You can bet jealousy ensues, and Bella does a very good job of playing her desires for each leading man to really come off as manipulative (even though I think she is supposed to come off as a lover torn, but Stewart doesn't have the talent to pull it off.) I was also offended with the whole sidestory of Bella wanting to be "bitten" by Edward so she could become a vampire to consummate their relationship, and spend eternity with Edward, but Edward forcing her to wait until marriage (I kept looking for Edward's promise ring.)

So, really to sum it up, there are three groups of people when it comes to The Twilight Saga: fans, not fans, and those who don't care. The only people that should see this movie are fans. The caveat to this is that if you are a friend or otherwise find yourself close to a fan of the series, I'm sorry, you too will be stuck seeing this movie. But, you are now prepared for the worst. If your date for the evening is a fan of The Twilight Saga, this movie has tremendous date potential (and it is your mandate to take him or her to see it.) If your date is not a fan of this series, I suggest staying home, and streaming Zombieland off of Netflix instead.